Why Kindness Toward Others—and Yourself—is a Sign of Strength

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I was a nerd in junior high and high school.

As such, I was regularly teased and made fun of by some of the popular girls.

Even today, I sometimes don’t realize someone has insulted me until another person points it out. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe ignorance really is bliss.

But one thing I have learned is that meanness does not disappear when we leave junior high.

Mean girls can grow up to become mean women.

And today, we have more ways than ever to hurt one another.

A sarcastic comment.

A cutting text.

A social media post.

A screenshot shared with friends.

A nasty online review.

A sentence typed from the safety of a screen that we might never have the courage—or cruelty—to say to someone’s face.

We can hurt someone in seconds.

And then keep scrolling.

“I’m Just Being Honest” Is Not a Free Pass

Sometimes we justify unkindness by saying:

“Well, it’s true...

Why Financial Independence Is Part of Protecting Your Peace

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

One of the biggest mistakes I ever made happened when I was 30 years old.

I was excited about a man.

I believed this relationship was finally going to become my “happy ending.”

So I resigned from my job and planned to move across the country to be with him.

He came to help me move.

Instead, he told me he had changed his mind.

He was on a plane the next day.

I was left with no relationship, no job to return to, all of my belongings packed into boxes, and a lost deposit on a moving truck I no longer needed.

I was devastated.

And humiliated.

But I also learned a lesson I have never forgotten:

Do not give away your security for a relationship that has not earned that level of trust.

Your Peace Matters More Than the Fantasy

At the time, I was not normally careless about work.

As a single woman, I knew I was my own provider.

But I desperately wanted marriage and a family, and once I believ...

Why Self-Respect Shows Up in the Way You Live, Speak, and Treat Others

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Years ago, I wrote a two-part series called “Be a Lady.”

At the time, I focused quite a bit on manners, appearance, and elegance.

I still care about those things.

But today, I think the deeper issue is self-respect.

How do you carry yourself when no one is watching?

How do you care for your body, your home, your belongings, your work, and your relationships?

How do you speak when you’re angry?

How do you treat people when you have the power to embarrass them?

How do you behave when someone else behaves badly?

Those questions say far more about confidence than whether your outfit is perfect.

Take Care of Yourself Because You Matter

I believe taking care of yourself is an act of self-respect.

That does not mean looking polished every minute.

It does not mean wearing makeup to the grocery store.

It does not mean having an expensive wardrobe or looking like a celebrity.

It mea...

Why Confidence, Grace, and Kindness Can—and Should—Coexist

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Times change.

Fashion changes.

Language changes.

Social expectations change.

But there are a few qualities I don’t think will ever go out of style.

Grace.

Kindness.

Good manners.

Self-respect.

Composure.

And strength.

Years ago, I wrote about these qualities under the heading “Be a Lady.”

I still like the idea, although I think I understand it a little differently today.

To me, being a lady has never meant being helpless, submissive, silent, or ornamental.

Quite the opposite.

Some of the women I’ve admired most—historical figures, public figures, and women I’ve known personally—have combined tremendous strength with tremendous grace.

They have opinions.

They have standards.

They have boundaries.

They are capable.

They speak up.

But they don’t need to become harsh in order to be strong.

And I think that distinction matters.

Grace Is Not Weakness

Sometimes we confuse strength w...

How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Life—Even When Your Circumstances Don't

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For many years, I believed I couldn't be happy if I remained single.

It wasn't because society pressured me to get married. It wasn't because my parents expected grandchildren. I genuinely wanted to be a wife and a mother. That was part of my personal definition of a fulfilled life.

But I'm well over forty, I've never been married or engaged, and I don't have children.

And for a long time, I was miserable.

Eventually, I reached a point where I realized my circumstances weren't changing, and I had a choice to make.

I could continue being unhappy, or I could learn how to enjoy my life—even if it wasn't the life I had planned.

That's when I discovered something that changed everything:

You don't have to believe every thought you think.

Thoughts Come First

One of the things I love about God is that He is orderly.

Scripture tells us that God is not a God of disorder.

Why Peace Comes from Paying Attention to Probability, Not Possibility

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Have you ever looked back on a relationship and thought:

"I should have known better."

Most of us have.

The question is: why is it so difficult to recognize a potentially painful situation while we're in it?

Part of the answer is that we don't evaluate relationships based on probability.

We evaluate them based on possibility.

And possibility can be very seductive.

After all, almost anything is possible.

It's possible that the man who says he isn't ready for commitment will suddenly change his mind.

It's possible that the relationship full of red flags will somehow work out.

It's possible that this time will be different.

The problem is that possibility and probability are not the same thing.

And when we ignore probability, we often end up with a broken heart.

Why We Believe We're the Exception

Most cautionary tales have one thing in common:

The people involved believed they...

How Taking Responsibility Can Set You Free

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

If you're over 40, chances are you have at least one relationship you wish had turned out differently.

Maybe you wish you had spoken up sooner.

Maybe you wish you'd left earlier.

Maybe you wish you had never gotten involved in the first place.

Or perhaps you're still wondering what happened and why things fell apart.

Regret has a way of keeping us trapped in the past.

We replay conversations.

We revisit decisions.

We imagine alternate endings.

And sometimes we find ourselves experiencing the same heartache over and over again with different people.

The names change.

The faces change.

But the pain feels strangely familiar.

For years, I couldn't understand why certain patterns kept showing up in my relationships.

Then I learned a tool that changed the way I viewed my past.

The Question That Changed Everything

One of the most powerful exercises I've ever encountered comes from Alcoholics Anonymous.

In...

How to Handle Disappointment Without Losing Your Peace

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

One of the hardest parts of life is learning how to deal with disappointment.

Maybe the promotion you wanted went to someone else.

Maybe the relationship you were hopeful about never went anywhere.

Maybe you made plans, prayed prayers, and worked hard, only to watch things unfold in a completely different direction.

We all know life isn't always going to go our way.

The problem is that disappointment has a tendency to linger.

We replay conversations.

We analyze decisions.

We wonder what we could have done differently.

We keep revisiting the situation, hoping we'll discover the missing piece that explains why things turned out the way they did.

The longer we stay there, the more disappointment grows.

Before long, a single setback can turn into discouragement, resentment, or even despair.

Over the years, I've learned that disappointment is inevitable, but suffering over it for months or yea...