You Don't Have to Believe Every Thought You Think

How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Life—Even When Your Circumstances Don't

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For many years, I believed I couldn't be happy if I remained single.

It wasn't because society pressured me to get married. It wasn't because my parents expected grandchildren. I genuinely wanted to be a wife and a mother. That was part of my personal definition of a fulfilled life.

But I'm well over forty, I've never been married or engaged, and I don't have children.

And for a long time, I was miserable.

Eventually, I reached a point where I realized my circumstances weren't changing, and I had a choice to make.

I could continue being unhappy, or I could learn how to enjoy my life—even if it wasn't the life I had planned.

That's when I discovered something that changed everything:

You don't have to believe every thought you think.

Thoughts Come First

One of the things I love about God is that He is orderly.

Scripture tells us that God is not a God of disorder.

And there is an order to how our lives work.

Thoughts create feelings.

Feelings drive behaviors.

Behaviors produce results.

Most of us spend our time trying to change our circumstances.

But if we want different feelings and different results, we often have to begin by changing our thoughts.

I recently heard Dr. Daniel Amen describe thoughts as radio stations.

He calls them:

AM Thoughts = Against Me

FM Thoughts = For Me

And we get to decide which station we're going to listen to.

Now, I don't believe we can control every thought that pops into our heads.

I compare thoughts to gnats flying into your mouth while you're out walking or riding your bike.

You can't stop the gnat from flying in.

But you can decide what happens next.

You can spit it out.

Or you can chew it up and swallow it.

Thoughts work the same way.

Just because a thought enters your mind doesn't mean it deserves your attention.

Identify the Thoughts Causing the Pain

I love journaling.

And one of the most helpful exercises I've done is simply writing down the thoughts behind my feelings.

I would ask myself questions like:

"Why do I think I'm still single?"

Then I would let my brain answer.

Some of my thoughts sounded like this:

"I'm not pretty enough."

"I'm too old."

"Nobody will ever love me."

"God is mad at me."

"I've made too many mistakes."

I didn't argue with those thoughts.

I didn't analyze them.

I simply wrote them down.

Getting them out of my head and onto paper allowed me to look at them objectively.

And that's when I discovered something important.

Most of my thoughts didn't pass the Philippians 4:8 test.

Use Philippians 4:8 as a Filter

Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about things that are:

• True

• Noble

• Right

• Pure

• Lovely

• Admirable

• Excellent

• Praiseworthy

So I started asking questions.

"There's something wrong with me."

Is that loving?

No.

Is it kind?

No.

Is it positive?

No.

Is it an excellent thing to think?

No.

Is it true?

More importantly, is it what God says about me?

Absolutely not.

According to Ephesians 1, I am:

• Blessed

• Chosen

• Adopted

• Favored

• Redeemed

• Forgiven

• Protected

• Included

Those are FM thoughts.

Those are thoughts that are for me.

Replace Old Thoughts with New Ones

The problem with simply getting rid of negative thoughts is that they tend to come back.

Jesus taught that if you clean out a house and leave it empty, something else will move in.

You can't just remove old thoughts.

You have to replace them.

A belief is simply a thought repeated often enough that it starts to feel true.

So I began repeating new thoughts.

Over and over.

When I was alone, I said them out loud.

When I was around other people, I thought them silently.

At first, it felt awkward.

Uncomfortable.

Even fake.

But that's because my brain wasn't used to hearing those thoughts.

Eventually, they began to feel normal.

And eventually, they began to feel true.

Renew Your Mind

Romans 12:2 tells us:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

The world constantly tells women there is something wrong with them.

You're not thin enough.

Young enough.

Pretty enough.

Successful enough.

And don't worry—the world conveniently has something to sell you to fix all of it.

But when our worth depends on external things, we'll never feel secure.

Renewing our minds means learning to tune out the AM station and intentionally choosing FM thoughts instead.

What Changed?

I'd love to tell you that changing my thoughts transformed my circumstances.

It didn't.

I'm still single.

I don't have a boyfriend.

I haven't been on a date in quite a while.

My circumstances are largely the same.

But my peace is completely different.

I was recently walking along the beach and realized that years ago I would have spent that entire walk feeling miserable.

I would have looked at families and couples and thought:

"Poor me."

"Everyone else has what I want."

"I'm alone."

Instead, I was enjoying the waves.

Looking for seashells.

Talking with God.

Feeling grateful.

And I realized something.

I had spent years missing out on beautiful moments because of thoughts I never questioned.

I wish I had learned this lesson earlier.

But I'm grateful I learned it at all.

Because even when circumstances don't change, your experience of life absolutely can.

A One-Derful Life

Part of living a One-Derful Life is recognizing that peace isn't found in finally getting everything you want.

Peace comes from learning how to think differently.

You don't have to believe every thought you think.

You can choose thoughts that are true.

Kind.

Loving.

Excellent.

And aligned with what God says about you.

And when you think differently, you'll begin to feel differently.

And when you feel differently, you may discover that your life is already far more beautiful than you realized.

If you're struggling with heartbreak, transforming your thoughts can feel nearly impossible because the pain is so overwhelming.

If that's where you are, check out my free ABC's of Healing training.

It will help you move through the heartache so you can start thinking—and living—differently.

🎁 https://marydittman.mykajabi.com/abcsofhealing

Question: What is one thought you've been believing that doesn't pass the Philippians 4:8 test?