Why Confidence, Grace, and Kindness Can—and Should—Coexist

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Times change.

Fashion changes.

Language changes.

Social expectations change.

But there are a few qualities I don’t think will ever go out of style.

Grace.

Kindness.

Good manners.

Self-respect.

Composure.

And strength.

Years ago, I wrote about these qualities under the heading “Be a Lady.”

I still like the idea, although I think I understand it a little differently today.

To me, being a lady has never meant being helpless, submissive, silent, or ornamental.

Quite the opposite.

Some of the women I’ve admired most—historical figures, public figures, and women I’ve known personally—have combined tremendous strength with tremendous grace.

They have opinions.

They have standards.

They have boundaries.

They are capable.

They speak up.

But they don’t need to become harsh in order to be strong.

And I think that distinction matters.

Grace Is Not Weakness

Sometimes we confuse strength w...

Why Real Confidence Comes From Knowing Who You Are—Not From Being Chosen

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

There’s a line in the movie Elizabeth, starring Cate Blanchett, when one of Queen Elizabeth’s advisors tells her, “Men want to touch the Divine.”

The idea is that people are drawn to someone who inspires them—someone who seems confident, grounded, and somehow larger than the ordinary worries of everyday life.

Years ago, that idea fascinated me because I was very interested in what made a woman attractive to men.

Today, I think the more interesting question is this:

What makes a woman deeply confident in herself—even when nobody is applauding?

Because confidence that depends on another person’s attention isn’t really confidence.

If I need a man to pursue me so I can feel desirable, I’m giving him control over how I feel about myself.

If I need someone to compliment me so I can feel beautiful, my confidence rises and falls based on someone else’s opinion.

If I need to be chosen i...

How to Stop Letting Your Relationship Status Define You

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

If you're a single Christian woman over 40, there's a good chance you've developed a story about yourself.

Maybe your story sounds like this:

"I'm still single because nobody wants me."

"My relationships never work out."

"I'm divorced."

"I'm too old."

"I missed my chance."

Over time, those statements stop feeling like thoughts and start feeling like facts.

They become part of our identity.

The problem is that many of these stories don't line up with what God says about us.

For years, I allowed singleness to become one of the primary ways I defined myself. I didn't just happen to be single—I felt like my singleness explained everything that was wrong with my life.

If I was unhappy, it was because I was single.

If I felt incomplete, it was because I was single.

If I didn't have the life I wanted, it was because I was single.

Eventually, I had to ask myself a difficult question:

What if my ...

The Lie That Kept Me Angry at God for Years

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For years, I believed God was punishing me with singleness.

I wouldn't have said it quite that bluntly, but that's what I believed.

I thought I simply hadn't become good enough to deserve the desire of my heart: a loving marriage and a family of my own.

If you grew up in church, you've probably heard Psalm 37:4:

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

I interpreted that verse to mean that if I didn't have the desire of my heart, then I must not be delighting myself in the Lord enough.

Surely I was doing something wrong.

Maybe God was disappointed in me.

Maybe He was withholding His blessing.

Maybe I needed to try harder.

The problem with believing God is angry with you is that you can never have peace.

You're always performing.

Always striving.

Always wondering what else you need to fix.

Trying to Earn God's Favor

At one point, I became fascinated by the...

Why Your Worth Has Nothing to Do With Your Relationship Status

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For years, I believed there was something wrong with me.

I wouldn't have said it exactly that way, but that's what I believed.

I've always wanted marriage and a family. Not because I felt pressured by society, and not because I grew up in a small Southern town where most people marry young. I wanted those things because I genuinely desired them for myself.

The problem was that they never happened.

The longer I remained single, the more I began to wonder if my singleness meant something about me.

Maybe I wasn't attractive enough.

Maybe I wasn't lovable enough.

Maybe I wasn't good enough.

And every year that passed seemed to reinforce the belief.

If there wasn't something wrong with me, why was I still single?

Today, I don't believe that anymore.

Today, I believe my worth has absolutely nothing to do with my marital status.

Getting to that place wasn't easy, but it changed my life.

Th...