Stop Waiting for a Relationship to Meet All Your Needs

Why Strong Friendships Are Part of a One-Derful Life

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Most of us have experienced it.

A friend starts dating someone new, and suddenly she disappears.

You hardly hear from her.

Text messages go unanswered.

Girls' nights become rare.

And the only time she seems available is when her boyfriend is out of town, working late, or they've had an argument.

If you're honest, maybe you've been that friend, too.

I know I have.

In my younger years, I would cancel plans with girlfriends to go on a last-minute date.

I would drag myself out of the house with a terrible cold for a man, but happily reschedule lunch with a friend because I was tired or simply didn't feel like going.

It wasn't because I didn't value my friendships.

It was because I believed romantic relationships deserved priority status.

And to some extent, that's natural.

Women are wired for connection.

When we fall in love, we want to spend time with our beloved.

But I eventually realized something important:

No one person should carry the full weight of our emotional needs.

Not a boyfriend.

Not a husband.

And not even our closest friends.

Friendship Changes Over Time

One of my friends becomes almost impossible to reach whenever she has a boyfriend.

Years ago, that hurt my feelings.

I felt forgotten.

Rejected.

Cast aside.

I would call.

Text.

Try to make plans.

Sometimes she would say she'd get back to me.

Months would pass.

And I would sit there feeling abandoned.

Eventually, I had an uncomfortable realization.

She doesn't owe me her time.

I genuinely want her to be happy.

And if spending time with her partner makes her happy, that's her choice.

At the same time, I don't owe it to her to remain perpetually available simply because her boyfriend suddenly has plans.

Friendships evolve.

And that's okay.

Building a Life That Doesn't Depend on One Person

As I've gotten older, I've learned to diversify my social life.

Some friends are great for dinner.

Some enjoy yoga.

Some like shopping.

Some love deep conversations.

Some are wonderful for occasional catch-ups.

And some friendships naturally fade into a more distant, but still loving, connection.

I've also become intentional about creating activities I enjoy on my own.

Yoga classes.

Bible study.

Work projects.

Travel.

Social events.

Time with family.

Structured downtime.

As a result, when someone calls at the last minute because her husband went fishing or her boyfriend is working late, I may already have plans.

Not because I'm punishing her.

Because I have a life I'm actively participating in.

Detachment Isn't Uncaring

For a long time, I misunderstood detachment.

I thought detachment meant becoming cold.

Indifferent.

Uninvested.

Now I see it differently.

Detachment simply means recognizing that people don't owe it to us to behave a certain way in order for us to be happy.

I can love my friends deeply.

I can cheer for their relationships.

I can celebrate their joy.

And I can still understand that my happiness is ultimately my responsibility.

That realization has made me a healthier friend.

I don't sit around feeling abandoned.

I don't resent people for living their lives.

And I don't expect any one person to fill every social, emotional, and relational need I have.

Why This Matters for Dating

Ironically, this mindset also makes romantic relationships healthier.

If I ever do meet my Boaz, I don't want him to become my entire world.

I don't want to cling to him because I've neglected every other area of my life.

I want to have friendships.

Interests.

Commitments.

Goals.

Purpose.

I want space for him in my life.

But I don't want him to become my life.

Healthy relationships aren't built on dependency.

They're built on two whole people choosing to share their already meaningful lives.

A One-Derful Life

Part of living a One-Derful Life is learning to let people come and go without feeling devastated.

Friends may get married.

Move away.

Become busy.

Enter different seasons.

And sometimes you'll be the one who becomes less available.

That's life.

The goal isn't to hold on tightly.

The goal is to appreciate people while they're present, bless them as they pursue their happiness, and continue creating a life that feels rich and meaningful for yourself.

Because no one person was ever designed to carry the responsibility for your joy.

And that's actually very good news.

If you're struggling with loneliness, it can be tempting to expect friends, family, or a romantic relationship to fill that ache. But lasting peace comes from learning how to build a full and meaningful life, even when your relationships change or people aren't as available as you'd like.

That's why I created my free training, Overcoming Loneliness. In it, I'll share practical strategies that helped me stop waiting for other people to make me happy and start creating a life I genuinely enjoy.

🎁 Free Overcoming Loneliness Training:
https://marydittman.mykajabi.com/free%20loneliness%20training%20optin

You'll be on your way to living your own One-Derful Life before you know it!

Question: Have you ever expected one person—friend, family member, or romantic partner—to meet all of your emotional needs?