Create a Life You Love NOW

Why You Shouldn't Put Your Happiness on Hold Until You Get Married

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For most of my adult life, I wanted to be married and have a family.

Not because society told me I should.

Not because I thought marriage would magically solve all my problems.

I simply wanted those things. They were part of my vision for a fulfilled life.

The problem is that life didn't unfold according to my timeline.

I'm well over 40.

I've never been married.

I don't have children.

And eventually, I had to face a difficult reality:

What if my circumstances didn't change anytime soon?

Would I spend the rest of my life waiting to be happy?

For a long time, I did.

I kept telling myself that happiness would arrive when marriage arrived.

When that didn't happen, I wasn't just disappointed.

I was miserable.

Looking back, I realize something important:

God wasn't making me miserable.

I was.

God will let you stay as miserable as you choose to be.

Just ask Jonah.

He spent three days in the belly of a fish before deciding to cooperate with God's plan.

I spent much longer wandering around in the belly of my own discontent.

Eventually, I decided I wanted something different.

I wanted a life I could enjoy now.

That's what I call the One-Derful Life.

What a One-Derful Life Is—and Isn't

A One-Derful Life isn't getting to the point where you don't want a relationship.

I still want one.

It's not convincing yourself that you don't need a man.

It's not pretending the desire for marriage disappeared.

A One-Derful Life is creating a life that is so full of peace, purpose, joy, and meaning that your happiness is no longer dependent on one specific outcome.

You become:

• Peaceful
• Joyful
• Interesting
• Confident
• Engaged
• Purposeful

And yes, those qualities are attractive.

But the real benefit isn't that they make you more attractive to men.

The real benefit is that they make your life better.

Even if no man ever shows up.

Step 1: Give Yourself Permission to Dream

The first step is envisioning the life you want.

Many women stop dreaming because they're afraid of disappointment.

But Scripture says:

"Write the vision and make it plain." (Habakkuk 2:2)

God often used visual pictures to help people remember His promises.

When God promised Abraham descendants, He told him to look at the stars in the sky.

Later, He told him to look at the sand on the seashore.

Whether it was day or night, Abraham had a visual reminder of God's promise.

That's why I'm a big believer in vision boards.

Not as a magical manifestation tool.

As a reminder.

A visual cue.

A way to help you remember what you're building toward.

What would your ideal life look like?

Where would you travel?

What would you learn?

What would you accomplish?

Who would you become?

Give yourself permission to dream.

Step 2: Become the Woman Who Has That Life

One of the most important concepts I've learned is this:

Thoughts create feelings.

Feelings drive behaviors.

Behaviors create results.

If you want a different life, you have to start with different thinking.

For example, there was a time when I hated going places by myself.

I felt awkward.

Embarrassed.

Like everyone was looking at me.

Then I started questioning those thoughts.

Were people really paying attention to me?

Not likely.

Most people are far too busy enjoying themselves to worry about what I'm doing.

Now, if there's a concert I want to attend, I go.

If there's an event I want to experience, I go.

I don't postpone living because I don't have someone to go with.

The change happened when my thoughts changed.

When I stopped telling myself that being alone was a problem, I became willing to do things alone.

And that's how I started creating a life I genuinely enjoy.

Step 3: Go Deeper With God

The biggest shift wasn't practical.

It was spiritual.

For years, I thought peace would come after I got married.

But Scripture teaches something different.

Paul tells us:

"The kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost." (Romans 14:17)

God's kingdom isn't primarily about external circumstances.

It's about righteousness, peace, and joy.

For a long time, I thought righteousness meant trying harder to be good enough.

Then I realized righteousness comes through faith in Christ.

God isn't asking me to earn His approval.

He's inviting me into relationship with Him.

The more I understood that, the more peace I experienced.

Not because my circumstances changed.

Because my perspective changed.

What If Singleness Isn't the Problem?

This may be the most important question I've ever asked myself:

What if singleness isn't the problem?

What if singleness is one of the tools God is using to develop me?

James tells us that trials develop perseverance so that we may become:

"Mature and complete, lacking nothing." (James 1:4)

What if God is using this season to teach me trust?

To deepen my faith?

To strengthen my character?

To help me discover that my completeness was never dependent on marriage in the first place?

That doesn't mean singleness is easy.

And it doesn't mean you have to like it.

But it does mean God can use it.

Why This Matters

When you build a life you love, something interesting happens.

You become less vulnerable to unhealthy relationships.

Because you're no longer looking for a man to rescue you from your life.

You already like your life.

You're no longer willing to settle for someone who brings chaos, confusion, or heartache.

A healthy relationship should add to your life.

Not become your entire life.

The blessings of God don't bring sorrow with them.

If a relationship is from God, it should make your life better—not worse.

A One-Derful Life

Part of living a One-Derful Life is refusing to postpone your happiness until your circumstances change.

You may still want marriage.

I do.

But your life is happening right now.

You don't have to wait for a husband to travel.

To serve.

To grow.

To laugh.

To pursue your purpose.

To experience joy.

The life you're waiting for may already be available to you.

The question is whether you're willing to start living it.

If loneliness is keeping you stuck, check out my free training:

👉 Overcoming Loneliness
https://marydittman.mykajabi.com/free%20loneliness%20training%20optin

Question: What is one thing you've been putting off until you find a relationship?